Happy Veteran's Day!

“As we express our gratitude, we must never forget that the highest appreciation is not to utter words, but to live by them.”
John Fitzgerald Kennedy

"Blessed are the peacemakers" (Matt 5:9)

Regardless of your stance on war and politics, remember the men and women who have sacrificed for your freedoms, and are continuing to do so everday. Let's prove to them we're a generation who hasn't forgotten their bravery - thank a veteran! And those continuing to serve now.

Happy Veterans Day.

Yesterday one of the managers from the Youth Development program with Peace Corps here came to do a site visit to check in.

These meetings always make me a bit nervous. Part of that is my inability to ever recognize that I am actually doing good work and being somewhat productive, but mostly because the meeting is conducted in what I consider to be a very awkward blend of English and Bulgarian. For the most part, I didn't seem to lose much of my language skills, but I certainly haven't gotten any better during my time at home. And I think, like myself, many people forget how long I was actually gone... we all forget that those 9 months were this huge vortex of time... and now here i am.

Usually I can follow along a conversation and get the general flow, but as soon as I realize I am supposed to provide input or answer a question, I realize that I wasn't exactly as in tune as a I thought. Yesterday, my program manager and two colleagues were obviously having an intense conversation about something, and somewhere along the line I may or may not have drifted out of consciousness. Next thing I know, ALL THREE of them are looking at me expectently.

Obviously I had been asked a question.

My manager looks at me, and says, "What are your thoughts?"

"Uhhhhhh." Was the first thing that came to mind. I then asked for clarification on the question, and was asked, "We are talking about the dilemma surrounding the social problem of Roma in Bulgaria. What do you think should be done?"

HUGE QUESTION. Huge problem. No easy answer. I mean, don't get me wrong, I can talk very passionately about this (as many of you know :)), but I tend to not do very well when put on the spot like that. Or when requested in Bulgarian. When I only entered the conversation about 15 seconds prior.

We talked for a bit more, and when we got up to leave, I apologized to Ivan for my lack of Bulgarian, explaining that I have trouble following along in big conversations (i'm ok one on one) after so much time away from the language.

His response: "It's ok. I was talking very fast. I forgot I wasn't talking to the other Katie."

"Which other Katie?"

"The one who used to know Bulgarian."

2 Months

If I've said it before, I'll say it again: passage of time here baffles me. As of today, I've been back in the Bulg for two months. Some days being here feels so right and so normal, and other days leave me feeling like it could all be taken away again at any moment. When someone reminds me I haven't actually been here working for the majority of the last year, it almost catches me off guard, but at the same time, the time I spent at home felt like an eternity and a lifetime ago. Hard to believe winter is here, I'm settled in, and I'm ready and waiting to tackle the frigid cold here in the Balkans.

I think I still have to process the journey I've been on the last couple of years. Much of it is surreal, then I remember how amazingly blessed I've been with such incredible opportunities!! How many 23 year olds have spent the time since their 21st birthday working as a gang unit intern with the police department (including a couple - small - undercover assignments and a missing person turned murder case!), and then finding their calling on the streets of NYC living and loving like Christ for 4 months before embarking on the adventure of a life time in Bulgaria with the Peace Corps... then sitting on a plane [unmedicated] alternating between tears and fits of laughter... and realizing it was all being taken away.... for 9 months.... possibly indefinitely... and then ultimately realizing how much it was worth fighting for... and then FIGHTING for it? Now if that doesn't exhaust you but make you super excited, then I don't know what will.

But here I am, missing my friends and family and the life that awaits me back home in a year and a half... but blessed beyond measure and thrilled for the second chance to be here.

"So we do not lose heart. Though our outer nature is wasting away, our inner natuer is being renewed day by day. For this slight momentary affliction is preparing for us an eternal weight of glory beyond comparison, as we look not to the things that are seen but to the things that are unseen. For the things that are seen are transient, but the things that are unseen are eternal." - 2 Cor. 4:16-18

It's cold outside... but there is enough sun that I decided to take a chance on drying my bedsheets outside (I mean, I should have a couple more weeks before they immediately freeze, right?). Well, I think it was drying well enough that I should have been able to bring it in by the end of the day.

But a little bird... just decided to relieve itself... on my freshly clean bedsheet.

Oh le le.

"Svinski Grip"

http://www.novinite.com/view_news.php?id=109635

The news is estimating that within the next week, Bulgaria will officially be in a "national crisis" for swine flu. My school closed this past Monday, and will remain closed until at least this coming Tuesday. Apparently there is a law in Bulgaria that if 30% of the student body is absent for whatever reason, then the school is required to close. On Monday I was substitute teaching for the English classes at my school (and if you know ANYTHING about me, you know I had been dreading this since I "volunteered" to do it for the day), and no kids showed up to my first period. I had two children for second period, third and fourth off, three kids in 5th, and then before I ever got to the last class, we were closed for "Swine Flu Vacation." Schools and towns along the Eastern part of the country were closing pretty quickly, but Samokov was the first Western municipality to declare an "epidemic." The news article estimates that 100,000 Bulgarians are sick with the "new flu," and once we hit 200 sick for every 10,000 Bulgarians, we'll officially be in a national crisis. Kind of scary, and definitely contributing to a panic mode! I walk by the hospital every day on my way to work, and it has been soooo crowded over the last couple of weeks. I even heard that some hospitals nationwide are having to turn people away because they are ill-equipped to handle everyone seeking medical attention.

On another note... I've been taking "my week off" as an opportunity to catch up on some of the administrative work I have to do. My organization has zero cash flow at the moment, and in dire need of some fuel for our operating costs. The last couple of days I have been weeding through old projects and trying to find pieces we can utilize for new grant proposals. One I've been working on in particular is focused on capacity building and social skills building for the kids. It's pretty awesome sounding, but trying to understand parts of it (it is in English, but you can tell at parts its been translated and retranslated back and forth between Bulgarian and English multiple times) well enough to formulate new ideas has been a challenge. But, I think as soon as I can work with my colleagues and decide on a dollar amount, it should be ready to go. Of course, this is just the letter... if we get approved to submit the full project, we are no where near being done!! :)

Starting a whole week...

Of essentially nothing but project brainstorming/writing and studying, because its official - my school is on a "flu vacation" until next Tuesday.

Ще видим...

Fighting a champion-less battle...

As "future" Peace Corps Volunteers, we often romanticize the coming Peace Corps experience. We read and hear about mosquito tents and daily water regimes, living without power (and God forbid - INTERNET ;)), and two years without a real cheeseburger.

When the day comes and you receive an invitation to serve in the Eastern Block for the next 27 months of your life, part of you knows better, but you still envision something resembling a mud hut, dirt roads, and the third world.

Then you actually get here... and while many of us still deal with the occasional "squatty potty," donkey cart, flea infestation, or exploding appliance; we all rest assured knowing that the closest McDonald's is "reasonable" bus ride away (how badly DO you want that cheeseburger?), internet is accessible (often at home), we can catch a movie or go bowling if and when the need/desire arises, and as far as European travel, the world is our oyster.

It can be distracting as a Peace Corps volunteer to know these luxuries are not just accessible, but often affordable. Not exactly the sacrificial lifestyle we all envision during those days of anticipation.

However "spoiled" we might be with amenities, all of the Big Macs and Bruce Willis movies in the world don't stand a chance against the emotional battle we fight here. If I was posted in the Africa or South America regions, my job as a PCV would be to offer grass roots development, usually by way of offering a skill set to achieve something tangible. When I left after my 2 year tour, I would leave knowing that if I built the well my village needed and transferred those skills to help in the future, I was successful.

Here, though? Reality is that I very well could leave Samokov in April 2011 leaving only a minimal trace of sustainability towards continued development. Sure, I'll have built relationships with some amazing kids, and that can't be taken away from either party. But what about the continued fight on racism and segregation? Soviet "ideals?" Corruption? Educational reform? I may be Pavlov's dog when it comes to that promised Mickey D's cheeseburger when I embark to the capital a mere hour away, but no amount of processed beef-like substances can lessen the emotional battles that can occur here.

Are we fighting a losing battle? Maybe.

Does that make it any less important? Nope.

Is our presence here viable and extremely crucial? Absolutely.

PC Bulgaria isn't any better, worse, easier, or harder than any other post in the Peace Corps. It's just different...

Maybe a developmental presence here is even more important. Because in posts that have never seen development, they don't know what they are missing. But here in the Eastern Block, entire people groups are being left behind in an otherwise developing world. Minority Groups (Roma and people with disabilities specifically come to mind) lack opportunity. It's there, it's just hard or impossible for them to access. Mindsets from former goverments are generations away from entirely being turned over.

The need is here, and after a 9 month "sabbatical" (haha, perfect...) I am so incredibly blessed and thankful to have acquired a new perspective to approach my current task in life: giving a voice to the voiceless, and loving on people who need it the most here in Samokov, Bulgaria while doing my part to help change the way they see the world, and most importantly - change the way the world sees THEM.

"The end of communism is still remote because communism, more than a political ideology or a method of the government, is a state of mind. Political power may change hands overnight, economics and social life may soon follow, but people's personalities, shaped by the communist regimes they lived under, are slower to change. Their characters have so deeply incorporated a particular set of values, a way of thinking and of perceiving the world, that exorcising this way of being will take an unforseeable length of time."

- How We Survived Communism and Even Laughed, by Slavenka Drakulic -